My weight is dragging me down. I weigh more than I ever have in my life. I just keep gaining and gaining and can't seem to stop. I'm too ashamed to say how much I weigh now. Getting on a scale puts me into such a funk that I can't bear to do it anymore.
I'm on a roller coaster where I'll eat well for a week or two, lose a few pounds, and then lose my footing, gain it all back plus more. And it has to stop.
My self-esteem, body image, and mental state are in the dumpster. Because of my size, I've been battling severe bouts of depression. Last month, I spent a week lying in bed, getting up only to feed myself and my son. I just felt too low to move, too sad go out, too unhappy to do my job as mother/wife/homemaker.
None of my clothes fit.
I avoid mirrors.
I avoid other people.
I have no self-control and can't seem to stop myself.
So now I'm laying it all on the line. I'm asking for help.
Four years ago, I lost more than 55 pounds doing the Weight Watchers System. I had great success at it, only because of the meetings and support of other people at the meetings. I've tried going back there, but sitting through a meeting with a toddler is impossible. Without the encouragement I received at the meetings, I was never able to stick to the plan.
I need a support system. It's the only way I can do this. I'm asking my close friends to follow my blog. To check in on me. To call me out when I don't post. To be completely honest with me. I can't do it alone.
If I'm going to change anything, I need to change what I eat and what I do. So I'm going to record the changes here on this blog and ask my friends to support me. Please.
- I want to be healthy for my son.
- I don't want to die prematurely or get sick at an early age.
- I want to grow old and hug my grandchildren.
- I want to have another baby.
- I want to glorify God by caring for the body He gave me.
The path I'm on right now won't accomplish any of those things. I need a new direction. And I need help to get there.
My current plan is to write down everything I eat every day and post it here. I'll also record all activity that I do each day. On top of that, I'll record various other musings about goals, self-esteem, body image and anything else I feel like writing about.
Thank you in advance for being there for me. I need you.
