My weight is dragging me down. I weigh more than I ever have in my life. I just keep gaining and gaining and can't seem to stop. I'm too ashamed to say how much I weigh now. Getting on a scale puts me into such a funk that I can't bear to do it anymore.
I'm on a roller coaster where I'll eat well for a week or two, lose a few pounds, and then lose my footing, gain it all back plus more. And it has to stop.
My self-esteem, body image, and mental state are in the dumpster. Because of my size, I've been battling severe bouts of depression. Last month, I spent a week lying in bed, getting up only to feed myself and my son. I just felt too low to move, too sad go out, too unhappy to do my job as mother/wife/homemaker.
None of my clothes fit.
I avoid mirrors.
I avoid other people.
I have no self-control and can't seem to stop myself.
So now I'm laying it all on the line. I'm asking for help.
Four years ago, I lost more than 55 pounds doing the Weight Watchers System. I had great success at it, only because of the meetings and support of other people at the meetings. I've tried going back there, but sitting through a meeting with a toddler is impossible. Without the encouragement I received at the meetings, I was never able to stick to the plan.
I need a support system. It's the only way I can do this. I'm asking my close friends to follow my blog. To check in on me. To call me out when I don't post. To be completely honest with me. I can't do it alone.
If I'm going to change anything, I need to change what I eat and what I do. So I'm going to record the changes here on this blog and ask my friends to support me. Please.
- I want to be healthy for my son.
- I don't want to die prematurely or get sick at an early age.
- I want to grow old and hug my grandchildren.
- I want to have another baby.
- I want to glorify God by caring for the body He gave me.
The path I'm on right now won't accomplish any of those things. I need a new direction. And I need help to get there.
My current plan is to write down everything I eat every day and post it here. I'll also record all activity that I do each day. On top of that, I'll record various other musings about goals, self-esteem, body image and anything else I feel like writing about.
Thank you in advance for being there for me. I need you.
Did my last comment post? I hope my book didn't just disappear.
ReplyDeletebummer. you'll have to post again later or tell me in person what you were saying.
DeleteOh no it did :( I will have to try again later....ugh.....
ReplyDeleteI love you, Krystal. You have such an awesome, sweet spirit. Thank you for being brave enough to say what many of us are thinking.
ReplyDeletethanks for the encouragement, Jessica! I've got lots of things on my mind that I want to write about. It'll just take time. Don't want to spend too much time sitting right now. They'll come in spurts, I guess. So much of my life is already so sedentary. I've actually thought about de-activating my fb so I spend less time at the computer. I've already hidden most people that aren't my close friends, so I'm not spending time reading how someone I was friends with 12 years ago has a splinter. But that's a post for another time...
DeleteOh, dear Krystal! We love you sooo much! You have such an encouraging spirit, and I hope I can reflect that back to you as you embark on this journey. I echo what Jessica said - we are all thinking the same thing and need to live for the same goals you posted. John and I are getting ready to straighten up our eating habits again so we will join you in this journey. You can do this thing! With God's strength and encouragement from His body, nothing is impossible!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Devon! You are so sweet and wonderful too. I hope that by putting this out here, even if no one ever reads it again, I'll feel like it's too public to go back on my word. It's kind of some built in accountability.
DeleteIt's good to know that you and John will be on this journey with me. Who's up for fruit on Sunday morning?