Monday, April 30, 2012

My head hurts

Every time I start eating healthier, I have a throbbing headache for the first two days.  Guaranteed.  Does this happen to anyone else?

4/30/2012 Exercise

Today, I went for a walk around my neighborhood.  It wasn't because I wanted to, but because my son pulled out the stroller and asked to go.  Thank goodness for him and his desire to get out of the house.  And as we were walking, I kept asking him if he wanted to walk more or go back home.  He always wanted to walk more. I'm not sure exactly how long we walked, but I know we walked 2.5 miles at noon, when it was like 70 degrees.  I worked up a pretty good sweat.

Also, I got together with a friend late tonight and we played her dance video game. It was lots of fun and I liked it better than the walking, but I'm not sure how long I actually did that either, b/c we took turns.  My estimate is that I danced for about a total of 20 minutes.

Not great, but as the title of this blog says, I "did something."  I moved.  I stepped out from where I was.  Day 1.

4/30/2012 Food Log

Ico_delete
Breakfast was a smoothie made of :
Yoplait Light Fat Free - Yogurt Raspberry Lemonade, 0.67 container
67



Bananas - Raw, 0.67 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)70



Strawberries - Raw, 1 cup, whole46



183
Lunch was one of my favorite dishes from before when I was losing lots of weight.  Faked pasta primavera alfredo:
Great Value - Whole Wheat Rotini Noodles, 1.5 cup315


Cheese - Ricotta, part skim milk, 0.25 cup85


Broccoli - Steamed, 3 cup186




586
Dinner was grilled chicken and veggies:

Chicken Whole Breast - Boneless Skinless Chicken, 6 oz424


Birdseye Steamfresh - Super Sweet Corn, 2/3 cup70


Generic - Carrots, Steamed, Fresh, 1/2 cup35


Olive Oil - Extra Virgin , 0.33 tbl40



569
And for snacks I had a fat free yogurt, 2 sheets of graham crackers and 2 Hello Panda cookies that I absentmindedly put in my mouth without even thinking when my son handed them to me (Why do I do that?)

Bringing my calorie count to 1580 calories for the day.

Putting it all out there

I need to make a change.

My weight is dragging me down.  I weigh more than I ever have in my life.  I just keep gaining and gaining and can't seem to stop.  I'm too ashamed to say how much I weigh now.  Getting on a scale puts me into such a funk that I can't bear to do it anymore.

I'm on a roller coaster where I'll eat well for a week or two, lose a few pounds, and then lose my footing, gain it all back plus more.  And it has to stop.

My self-esteem, body image, and mental state are in the dumpster.  Because of my size, I've been battling severe bouts of depression.  Last month, I spent a week lying in bed, getting up only to feed myself and my son.  I just felt too low to move, too sad go out, too unhappy to do my job as mother/wife/homemaker.

None of my clothes fit.

I avoid mirrors.

I avoid other people.

I have no self-control and can't seem to stop myself.

So now I'm laying it all on the line.  I'm asking for help.

Four years ago, I lost more than 55 pounds doing the Weight Watchers System.  I had great success at it, only because of the meetings and support of other people at the meetings.  I've tried going back there, but sitting through a meeting with a toddler is impossible.  Without the encouragement I received at the meetings, I was never able to stick to the plan.

I need a support system.  It's the only way I can do this.  I'm asking my close friends to follow my blog.  To check in on me.  To call me out when I don't post.  To be completely honest with me.  I can't do it alone.

If I'm going to change anything, I need to change what I eat and what I do.  So I'm going to record the changes here on this blog and ask my friends to support me.  Please.


  • I want to be healthy for my son.
  • I don't want to die prematurely or get sick at an early age.
  • I want to grow old and hug my grandchildren.
  • I want to have another baby.
  • I want to glorify God by caring for the body He gave me.


The path I'm on right now won't accomplish any of those things.  I need a new direction.  And I need help to get there.

My current plan is to write down everything I eat every day and post it here.  I'll also record all activity that I do each day.  On top of that, I'll record various other musings about goals, self-esteem, body image and anything else I feel like writing about.

Thank you in advance for being there for me.  I need you.